Impatience

I'm going to be honest. I'm the worst when it comes to being impatient. I'm currently wanting to lose an additional 20-30 pounds but I want to see the results right now. Back in January of 2011, I weighed 194 pounds. I lost about 30 pounds in what seemed like instantly by doing only Zumba. I was beyond thrilled. Now that I want to lose more, I can't seem to.

I'm trying a new lifestyle change called carb cycling by Chris Powell. He's the host of the show Extreme Weight Loss. Chris will take on clients that are obese with the help of his wife Heidi. He will help them  transform their life in a year. I've seen one guy this year lose all his weight in only three months. He had so much lean body mass that he killed it in the last first 90 days.

I have been doing his carb cycling program and I've seen it work. Yet I find myself becoming impatient. Jealous even. Jealous of those that have already lost the weight that they wanted and I haven't yet. Normal human reaction.

I want to know the feeling of succeeding again. I feel that I failed and during my failures I have gained weight. I have that weight and then some to lose. In other words instead of being impatient with myself, I would rather be proud of myself. For something after all the bad choices that I made. I hope that by the end of the year I can write another blog of my success. Will you help keep me accountable?

Sometimes sorry is all you can say

Almost a year ago, I published a blog post that I can't seem to find to get rid of. I'm ashamed of everything that I wrote in that blog post. I was in a very dark place. Without going into details, I was close to completely turning my back on God. Therefore, I was lashing out at anyone and everything that was concerning God.

I blamed God for my actions. That the reason I acted the way I did was because God didn't love me anymore. Satan had such a big hold on me that it took drastic events for me to realize the path that I was going down.

For those that I may have hurt in the past, I know that saying I'm sorry will not take the hurt away. I wish that it was that simple. I want you to know that I'm truly sorry for all the pain I've caused. I promise you that is not the person that I am.

I've found my way back and I'm far from being the person I use to be before I made the choices that I did. I hope that you will find it in your hearts to forgive me. Each day is a struggle and I'm trying to be Christ like. Unfortunately I fail at times so please know that I'm truly sorry.

Failure vs Success

It's been a while since I last blogged and to be honest, it feels awesome to be able to write y'all again. Over the last 1 1/2 years I have had so much personal things going on that although I hate to admit it, I chose failure over success.

I felt like I was failing at everything I did by the decisions that I had made and it took quite a bit of praying on my part and others that were so kind to pray for me even though I didn't want them to I was able to overcome my newest fear. The fear to succeed.

I had failed for so long that actually succeeding at something scared me to death. I'm currently training for my sixth half marathon and the thought of actually finishing scared me. I know I can run that distance because I have done it five times already. 

This time training is becoming so much more than just running to cross that 13.1 finish line. With each stride that I make, I'm slowly letting go of the guilt that I have been carrying for almost two years for the hurt I have caused others and the  disappointment that I have in myself.

So the next time that you choose failure over success ask yourself one question. What do you have to lose in succeeding?